Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Vapid Twitterers

I hate people who love Twitter. There, I said it. I work in social media and I hate people who love Twitter.

Really, do you know anyone who tweets a lot that you don't think is a total self-involved douchebag? I was recently at a networking event (more on those awful things at another time) and this girl was tweeting "to my peeps!" the entire time. Uh, sweetie, the whole point of being at this event is to meet new fucking peeps, so get your thumbs off your iPhone and your mind off your tweeple.

Most of those same perma-Tweeters are the most vapid people I know, or at least appear that way on Twitter. Probably because no one is clever and interesting every three minutes, so when you tweet that often you sound like you have nothing to say. Ironic, but true.

Most of these types of people I follow for work purposes, so I don't un-follow them, just in case they say something interesting. I'm still waiting. But when I come to those 5 tweets in a row from this person, I just skip right over them. I wish there was a hide function on Twitter so that they can think I'm still following them but I don't have to be subjected to their nonsense.

Because I work in social media, and therefore have to watch what I say on my real Twitter account, I've taken to creating fake ones so I can say what's really on my mind. I live in fear of a co-worker doing the same thing, coincidentally following me, and recognizing him/herself in my cruel, derogatory tweets.

Now that I've said this, you're thinking about everyone you know who tweets all the time. Am I right or what? You secretly believe that he/she is the most self involved, vapid, trite person on the planet. Let's start a club.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Why do people like networking?

Really. is it because they are genuinely interested in people? Is it because they are competitive in nature and want to know more people than anyone else? Do they have a strategy in place? Because I hate these things. These things are a necessary evil. My friend Dave and I have a plan we stick to when we go to the digital networking-athons: Get there early. Stake a good spot. Never leave it.

And we have as yet to go to a networking event and not come back from it with a solid lead. I guess there is something about people who have a kick ass spot at a table. Maybe they mistake us for VIPs and not the early birds we really are. More often then not, people approach us and make conversation, and sometimes we like them and further the conversation, and sometimes we hate them and put an abrupt end to it by being purposely boring.

Panels are better because there isn't quite as much desperation hanging in the air. I tend to arrive as the "Networking!" portion ends, grab a seat towards the back, and make sure to strike up a conversation of some kind with a fellow back-of-the-room dweller. I like these types because they're probably thinking the same thing I am. Either that or they were so busy "Networking!" that they couldn't get to a chair on time. I'm learning to weed those types out or just quickly cut to the chase with no pretense that I actually want to get to know this person or give a shit what they do. Card exchange and then I leave them to their own "Networking!" devices. Which usually involves ditching their seat.

But networking really is a necessary evil. I do just as little as I can get away with. For the most part, I believe that my work should speak for itself and I usually make organic connections that way. But sometimes I have to admit to myself that I need to step away from the computer and actually meet people face-to-face. Social media is a great way to avoid actually talking to people. Ironic, I know.

My boss asked me recently if I wanted to become well known in the social media space. Do I? In theory, I guess I would. But the reality is that that would mean more networking and conferences, and I really don't want that. No, I think I'm happy in my little corner of the grid, doing my work and mocking networkers.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Recruiters - part 2

This recruiter is so bizarre. She calls me to clarify some things on my resume before she sends it to this company who is doing a webzine of some sort. (How quaint. A webzine? What, is this, 1997?) Then she calls me again and says, "You have here that you "worked in various areas of the entertainment industry including management comma promotions comma and production. I think there is no second comma."

Are you kidding me?!

"See on my resume where it says freelance writer? That means that I know more about proper punctuation than a recruiter."

Ok I didn't say that.

"There's debate about this," said I."But I happen to believe in the serial comma."

"Ok as long as there is a name for it, that's good enough for me."

*blink blink*

Ok. Then I guess that's good for me. A little insane, but good enough.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Recruiters - part 1

I've been headhunted a lot lately. A recruiter at Fox Interactive friended me on Linked In but then never actually contacted me. I guess she just wanted to lurk and see what jobs I actually got for myself. Then a second recruiter contacted me through that first, asking if I knew anyone who would be a good fit for a social media manager she had open. Note that she never asked ME if I was interested. And then when I requested to link to her on the site, she ignored it. So, why exactly should I help her?

Recruiters are an interesting breed. They become your best friend for a week and then if you don't warrant an interview with any of their clients by the first week, they never call you again.

By "best friend" I mean seriously intrusive. They call all the time to clarify or ask if they can pitch you on something and they don't care if they're bothering you or not. They don't even care if the position is right for you. "That's really not what I do," I've said to a few. "Oh that's ok, you have web experience, and that's really all they want."

Um, trust me, it's not all they want, and by saying that you're only proving that you suck at your job.

But some of these recruiters are truly genius at making you feel special. I've met quite a few where I've left the meeting and felt, "that person totally gets me." And then by the next day they've already pawned me off to some low level peon who thinks everything on the web is the same job. Programmer, graphic artist, content manager, what's the difference?

Recruiter, user, pimp, what's the difference?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Total Computer Meltdown

Why Why Why? Once upon a time, I had three laptops: my personal one, my work one, and my sister had one. Then my sister's caught a terrible virus and I had to bring it in tothe fixit shop. Before she could stress out, I whipped out my handy work laptop and said "use this one until yours is ready."

Well, the gods must have been mad at me because the day after I dropped off hers at the fixit place, my work laptop started acting funny too. This one didn't appear to have the same virus, noooo that would make too much sense. This one decided that it just didn't want to access the internet for some reason. In fact, it wanted to set up an impenetrable firewall just to make sure that access could not be granted.

Grrr. I called my techie friends. "Sounds weird." "Don't know." Of course I have no idea if they truly didn't know, or just didn't want to help me, so I bit the bullet and called my boss. "Not a problem," he said. "I have a spare that you can borrow and I'll take a look at the other one." Sweet.

It all seems to have turned out okay, but I learned two things. One, it sucks to be an IT Guy because everyone wants something from you. Just because I work in a tech-oriented field, my sister assumes that I know more than she does. Of course I do, but it's irritating that she expects me to take care of all this kind of stuff for her. So I finally understand what IT guys/gals go through and why they hate simple people so much. Because a lot of this is using common sense. The problem is that if someone has no experience or interest in technology then they don't have that common sense to work off of. So what seemed obvious to me wasn't to my sister. She just looked at me blankly and I wanted to scream in frustration and accuse her of knowing what to do and just playing stupid.

The second thing I learned was just how married we are to our computers. Mr. Fixit sympathized with my plight: "I could spend two days away from my wife, but not my computer." Wow, is that what we've come to? Sadly, yes. I'm lost without my computer. I literally could not work, since I work from home and I do social media. So if I don't have access to the internet I'm f-cked. My company is planning a retreat to the vineyards in Monterey, and I warned them, "There's no internet up there. And there's barely cell service." This was greeted by complete horror. "No internet?" Someone joked, "You mean, we'd have to talk to each other?" Sad. But I know I'd rather sit in front of my computer and communicate when I want to than be potentially bored and stuck with a real person.

Even as I type that I realize how pathetic that is. But I think I just have to face it: I’m addicted to my computer, I like communicating only when I want to, and I know more about technology than I think. And that’s not a bad thing!!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Save me from my social media channels!

Do you ever feel guilty when you've ignored your social media channels? Since I work in social media, I'm on everything: Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, YouTube, Digg, delicious, Second Life...you name it, I'm sure I've signed up for an account at some point. But I'm a Facebook lover, because I like the personal-ness of it and I've been smart enough to not accept the friendship of people I barely know (kindly sending them to my Linked in or Twitter instead) so I actually know the people whose status updates I read. And I not only read them, I comment on them. I've had some great and funny debates on Facebook. I also use the channel to goof off and check in with the real world when I'm feeling bored with my real work or just need a break. Nothing makes me happier (well, I'm sure something does) than posting something clever or offbeat and having my friends comment on it. I feel...well, I feel like I have friends, as sad as that may sound.

Twitter is a different story. I've been on Twitter for a couple of years now, when my friend Sperling, an early adopter, turned me on to it. I didn't understand it then and I still don't. I mean, I understand how people use it and I understand the benefits and all that, but I really don't care. In theory, each tweet is like a Facebook post and I shouldn't be so put off by it, and yet there is something about Twitter and Twitter-ers that I find irritating. Maybe it's because most of the people I follow are of the "What should I have for breakfast" variety, or they post links. And I hate the links. Because if looks interesting, then I feel compelled to click on it and that will open up yet another tab in my browser to an article that I really don't have time to read. Or I have to wait for twitpic to load to so I can see a picture of someone drunk at his birthday party. And really, this is just too much work. I'd rather stay on one site - Facebook - and skip around and cyberstalk. I also hate that Twitter is public, so I can't comment quite as freely as I'd like to. I realize that it is exactly this reason why so many people like Twitter - call them narcissists or publicity whores, or whatever you want, but I really think most of them just like the idea of meeting a lot of new people. Me, I hate people, so Twitter's not for me.

MySpace is really a sad joke at this point. I've been on it for years, although never really used it. It's so noisy, and I don't mean just the music that's screaming at me, I mean the colors and graphics and the animation and the various fonts. None of it makes sense and none of it flows, and I can't figure out the UI, so I gave up on MySpace a long time ago.

I have an account on YouTube, but not because I actually upload stuff. It's more for when I become obsessed with something to the point where I want to start saving videos of it. And of course because I work in social media, it's assumed I have one. Good thing I do.

Digg, delicious, Stumble upon, etc: I have to confess something here. I barely understand how to use those sites. I have my intern Rachel add things to them because I can't be bothered to figure out their UI. And honestly, I really don't care about any of that. Delicious is useful to me only if I'm on a different computer and I'm looking for something that I know I have saved. Otherwise, I'm rarely on it. Digg, Stumble Upon, and those other news sites sound interesting in theory, because I'm a news junkie, but I can't bring myself to ever actually go to those sites. Instead, I'm more of an RSS whore, and I just head to my trusty, easy-to-understand Google reader. Headlines at a glance, and it's all handpicked my yours truly.

My introduction to Second Life is sad and pathetic. We have our staff meetings via our virtual offices on Second Life, so I plunged in and got an avatar and all that allegedly fun stuff. And let me tell you, that site is not intuitive. I couldn't figure out anything, and ended up with the default clothes and hair, and attended my first staff meeting looking like an extra from Braveheart. Boots, gloves, cape, that was me. To make matters worse, I couldn't figure out how to move, and ended up gazing longingly out the window at a castle, of all places. But my colleagues were very nice, and gave me some Second Life money and took me shopping. Now I have hair that looks alarmingly like my real hair, a sharp gray suit, and I walk like a hooker. Unfortunately, I have man hands and my face looks like C-3PO, but I can live with that for now.

Maybe I've already pinpointed my problem: I hate people. Maybe it's the mysanthropy (misanthropicness?) in me that makes me dread so many of these social media channels. And yet I work in social media, and I enjoy doing it, so it's not that I don't care what people think. Maybe it's that I want them to do their thinking *over there* and I'll check in when I need to. The problem, if it really is one, is that because I work in social media, I'm expected to be transparent about my own life, and that's what doesn't feel comfortable. Because even though I'm online for a large part of the day, I'd still like to keep some of my personal life and thoughts private. I'm really more of a lurker until I get to know someone. Which actually makes me perfect for social media, because you should lurk for a while before participating.

Which brings me back to all those social media channels. When you have as many I do, sometimes all I have time for is lurking. Maybe choosing one as your primary channel is really the answer. So I can do all my posting and commenting on Facebook, and stealthily lurk on the other ones guilt-free.

Monday, January 4, 2010

What is Social Media?

I work in social media marketing. No one ever knows what that really is and I find it kind of hard to explain. I tried to explain it to my mom over the holidays and she still thinks it’s just people "goofing off on blogs and MySpace." (MySpace! Ha! Wow, she really is far behind.)

"It’s about creating awareness. Joining the conversation," I say.

"Yeah." Which means she doesn’t get it.

"Because if brands aren’t on Facebook and Twitter and part of the conversation then someone else will do it for them. And you want to make sure that you’re in charge of the voice of your brand."

"I guess I just don’t see what the point is."

"It’s because the whole world is social networking!"

"So, you sell things?"

"No, social media isn’t good for direct marketing."

"So I guess it seems like a waste of money to me."

"That’s part of the problem. Is that it takes a while to see ROI."

"That’s why it seems like a bad bet to me."

Argh! This is only what I do for a living. (For now, anyway.)

"How’s the company doing?” she continues. “Are they even up and running?

How does she think I’m getting paid??

"Yeah, they’re up and running."

"And you’re getting paid?"

?!?!

"Uh yeah. This is what I do for a living, Mom. Not only is the company up and running, and not only am I getting paid, but the company has tripled its revenue in the last year."

"Okay." Clearly she’s not convinced.

Because it’s hard to convince people that it’s necessary to fork over thousands of dollars for social media. Here is where the money is going: Brand Identity and Potential Damage Control. Social media is NOT about direct sales, ROI, or getting as many friends/fans/followers as possible. It’s about checking in to see what people are saying about you, and joining that conversation. Because if you’re not, some punk will step in to fill that void, and god know what he/she is going to say.
Social media is about taking charge of your brand’s voice. Simple as that.

Unfortunately that’s often too complicated and /or touchy feely for people to understand. It’s not about numbers. It’s not about sales. It’s about deciding on a voice and better yet, a vision, and how you want the public to perceive you. And then you have to stick to that, which is sometimes the hard part. See, social media has forced transparency onto companies. If you make a defective product, people are going to write about it. Shitty customer service? Someone will make that their Facebook post. Leave people on a plane sitting on the tarmac for 8 hours? Expect a ton of angry tweets. And you want to be there to talk to these people so you can nip this kind of thing in the bud.

But it works for good news too. Respond to people who love your brand. Bring them into your Twitter/Facebook fold and talk to them. They will love your brand even more, and then tell all their friends how cool your company is.

Social media is about talking and feeling, but it’s also about strategy – who are those “evangelists” for your brand? How can you get them to spread the word a little more? And sometimes ROI takes a little longer, but that’s how it works. Nip bad news in the bud, and spread the good news. Sometimes it hits right away, and sometimes it takes a little longer. But if you don’t do it now, you’re dooming yourself, because someone else will do it for you, and you will have lost control of your brand.

So Mom, that’s what I do.